nicolette

2009-12-05T19:09:00.002+08:00

Going off again, this time to Tokyo, Japan.
Will be back on the midnight of the 17th.
Miss me :)
I'll miss you guys bunches too, though I'd probably be quite distracted by the amazing foodstuffs that Jap has, and really just trying not to get lost. This holiday is really passing by too quickly, cos after I come back i'll be thinking about my birthday & stuff, and people will be gone. Jess you'd better plan that chalet soon, excited. Then thirteeners' party & Accendo'09OTparty :) Looking forward to all that greatness. And someone owes me dinner!

I need to find a way to get my yen from you haha :)

2009-11-25T23:14:00.002+08:00

So I'm back after 11 days, but it feels like a very very long time. I've always saved this holiday for bigger plans. Last year I thought I would spend this holiday on a job, on an internship, something. Now I'm just horribly tired of everything. I only have Friday left for Matt, then we're off with our own devices. Then I come back after PPC is over, which is kind of sad, cos I've been looking forward to this for awhile. I mean, it's the least I could do, but I can't. Then there's wth is going on in my family, and I wonder about what to do with my birthday. I haven't made new good friends in awhile, so I guess I'll look forward to the usual crowd. Or if I so return to toy with my original idea, solitude. So that's going to be that, I guess.

UK. I thought I would get the typical gcp experience, the kind where you remember best making funny faces and crazy poses in camwhored pictures with friends and all the cameraderie. I think I ended up having too much information in my brain, and worrying about too much. It's like I forgot how to be a part of a whole, or maybe it's just me and my expectations again. Or the obvious lack of energy on everyone's part. Cambridge is prettier than Oxford, and less scary, to some extent. Some things will be out of the question, but they will have to be replaced so I know I'm safe. I've grown to like safety, I think. I reminded myself of my past, which wasn't the best part of all the trip, and I think I will refuse to tell it ever again. Too painful. I'm happy people have found their way, and perhaps I'm just too tired and drained to remember anything vaguely sunny and smiley about the trip.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIVIA EEWEI YING CHELSEA in that order.
It's only a line, but you know you matter a lot :)

I'm just damn upset that our holidays ended up clashing this way.
I don't want to go, just want to stay.

2009-11-10T22:09:00.002+08:00

Chinese is over, and suddenly my life hangs loose. I mean there's the whole thing thats robbing away my pre-UK days, but I'm just in quite a huh? state now. I'm convinced after graduation, I just let go. In payment of my sleep debts accumulated in S2 & 3 (I slept so much this year goodness), of stress debts, and to compensate for all the stolen perkiness I had all this time. Just feel like lazing in bed all day, but post exams, my life is still led day to day. Scream. I only wish a few things these days.

A) WE FINALLY SETTLE CROSSSTITCHING.
B) WE FINALLY PLANT OUR TREES.

Then let me have packed everything I need for UK, and may I take a hell lot of pictures :)

I LOVE YOU.

2009-11-07T22:18:00.002+08:00

It's ironic that the Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago, and here we are having a cold war.
It's apt that the first shirt I pulled out of my cupboard had the slogan 'I'm grumpy'.
It's scary that my vision is being warped by a bunch of lines, and I have no idea what to do.

Save me from myself.

2009-11-07T10:56:00.002+08:00

I came home, deliriously agreed to play a game of monopoly, and fell asleep soon after. I think it was just past midnight.

We graduated.

Grad ceremony was a little more memorable than expected, for a few reasons. It wasn't as long as expected, a little more heartwarming thanks to certain people, and I felt great. Shoutouts to a few people here.

Tanny - oh goose you came back. I guess it was a blast from the past, and it reminded me of a lot of lower sec memories. It was kind of complete I guess, because it was nice chatting with you again, with all the style that is uniquely you. Caused a lot of fanfare amongst the thirteeners, which I will always be a part of, and I guess it brought us all back to sectwo (especially when I was in hongzi). It's unexplainable, regardless of my attempts to have explained it. I just loved that you were there to celebrate this moment with us. Nice surprise.

Julian - stealing my thunder as usual. When you grow up, and win many girls' hearts (or otherwise), I will tell you that you used to be a heartthrob, stealing the attention of all my classmates, and even teachers. '你的弟弟真可爱!' - Zhanglaoshi. But more than that, this time. I will tell you that you were so awesome to come and look for me all the time (okay even though you were just being bored), and even escort me up and downstage like my personal...escort fine. I love you dear, thanks for making it all extra memorable :)

And to all my friends! Thanks thanks thanks for just being there. Jody for screaming with me (okay even though you couldn't stand my sudden outburst), HAVE (minus the N for obvious reasons) for everything and anything, 413 esp bea q sal ying jen for bringing me back to sec2 for all those wonderful times we had. 414 for celebrating with me the fact that we're going off to Hwach(HP) together, so, I guess it was all tearless, mostly.

It's been a good four years.

2009-11-06T00:35:00.002+08:00

Just back from Rafflesian Spotlight, good stuff good stuff. A lot of personal observations tonight, but overall it was good. Apart from that stupid boy who opened the door into my toe (now I have two injured toes k), yup. Jasdeep and Uday omg you guys rocked the house with your standup, it was really good I AM COMPLETELY FIXATED WITH YOUR STITCH VOICE. And the humour reminded me a lot of Ashish, self deprecating and Indian. Some really good vocals which I really appreciate, and sexy drumming. Starting to feel much more for percussion these days. Also there was Liplock Liberation (?), Nobody, Umbrella...yeah. Quite good. Nigel Choo reminds me of Daron. Said Hi to many people, as usual, though some people I wanted to talk more to I didn't get to see much of. Haziq and his friends; I remember why I enjoyed his company so much during camp so much now, Shayne for bullying me as usual, and everyone I said hi to.

Watched Love Happens in the afternoon, quite a boring, predicatable movie, but I guess it was the typical romance movie to watch with the boyfriend, which I did. Botak Jones was gooooooood (; Yay to happy memories and crazy coincidences. We're almost at 28 months :)

AND OMG TO THIRTEENTH NOVEMBER.
(yes this deserves a paragraph of its own)

We're graduating, and as predicted I don't have time for a goodbye post. Most of the people will move on with me, those I'm saying bye to, I will miss tons. I think I will miss Bea super a lot. Sal if you go too ): And Livia moo. I might miss teachers if Hwach teachers are too different. I'll miss a lot of the small homely compound, and how I used to do stupid things like climb around places.

Honey, I'm home.

2009-11-02T23:01:00.002+08:00

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

You see, it goes like this. My parents are flipping through my report book. Not just any report book, but my primary school report book. And they're staring at my P5 grades and going, 'I always thought she was good in English, why an 82?', or 'No wonder she isn't in the Science stream, look at her science?'. Seriously, I cannot understand. Usually it's the first kid that sets the standards for the second kid, and I suppose to some extent that happened in my case. Funny how my little brother doing badly in school means a wake up call to stare at my grades too though. Thank goodness I did well this year, or else there would be more to say around here.

I also lovelovelove that xoxoho.lj oversized shirt eek.

2009-11-01T22:08:00.002+08:00

I shall write a post about leaving NY now , since I know in a few days time I would end up flustering myself over UK packing/HP scholarship application/Bro's birthday/People's birthdays/everything else I have to do before I go off and stuff.

I started these 4 years happy, mostly innocent, but full of aims and short-term goals. Or at least at that time, I thought 4 years was long, insanely long. Obviously, I was wrong. I had no aims in debate though, neither did I aim for much (specifically) academically, which was probably related to my lack of CCA involvement in psch, or the fact that GEP left me with very sensible standards of my relative position, and seeing 70s was relatively normal. Nowadays I end up aimless, which is unsettling, to a certain degree. I'm supposed to stare at the question of what/who I want to be when I grow up, to which I have no answer. How?

As they say, all the things that mattered to you, suddenly don't matter to you anymore. It mattered a lot that I ended up in Council Exco. It mattered a lot that I would end up somewhere at the top of my batch. I dare not say what I've told people about Council here, because it would bring back too much, evoke too much, but on the latter, I've taken it way easier than the way it was before. I guess we get used to it.

HP was another turning point. I remember not bearing to lose the thirteeners, being part of a bunch of people I knew I could talk about shitloads of stuff to. I remember never feeling like I fit in, because I always ran back next door. I still miss you guys loads, but dynamics have changed, and I'd rather not be stuck in the middle. Academics have all caught up with us, and suddenly our focuses all change. Or maybe it's just because I'm not quite out of EOY mood yet. Because of HP though, the voice of the lion became so much louder it deafened, and perhaps it shaped how I dealt with my upper secondary life, for better or for worse.

I spent many good days of these four years finding myself, or at least what I could explain that phrase to be. I've hopped around different personalities, standing on so many different sides of this chess game we call 'growing up', taking different sides as we move along, but now I guess I've learnt to accept myself so much more. Pleasing people becomes less important, even more so as I move on to another chapter of this life, and I sincerely hope it's all been steps in the right direction.

I don't regret most things, because most things I've done, I've done with sound advice from people I believe in, and trust. I've grown a lot emotionally, thanks to too many buckets full of tears, and times where I just chose to risk things on impulse, and too many phonecalls. Okay in short, grown stronger, grown smarter, grown prettier, grown fatter. 4 years.

I'm kinda tired, actually.

2009-11-01T21:49:00.001+08:00

This is more or less how it is in my head now

No matter what is, you know I still have a soft spot for you it's true.

2009-10-26T10:21:00.002+08:00

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

If you don't want to hear what they have to say, it's hard. If you really want them to say it, it's fine. If you know you're going to hurt someone, it's hard. If you know it's better for both of you, or something you know they want to hear, it's fine. So, tossup?

2. Think of the last time you were really angry. why were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

I'm never really really angry, just annoyed. Correct me if I'm wrong.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago nonstop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

This is a, if you die who would you want to talk to question right. Depends who I'm not with. If I'm alone...my parents, but I think the last person I would want to talk to would be my bro.

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

I don't think I would tell anyone, unless it's visible to them that I'm going to die and they ask. I would walk around the country, and spend time doing things I want, crazy things, and perhaps on the last day of my life break the law. And make sure I really do die that day.

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust:

Love, if unconditional. Just because love comes with trust I should think.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dog’s life?

I should think if I came to work wet and dirty, it would be pretty obvious that something happened beyond my control. And it's not just about time, but whether I would drown in the canal myself I guess idk.

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?

Yeah, better than letting someone else tell them shizz.

8. Your friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?

Uh, you are one brave creature. Then...-silence-.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Not really, which kinda sucks.

10. Does love = sex?

Oh please.

11. When was the last time you told someone honestly how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?

Usually when that happens I choose to say it when I'm in a bad mood, so I can blame it on the bad mood later on. And usually it's not that hard because I just say things and deal with it later.

12. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?

That I don't love them back.

13. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?

Everything I have now, is hard to give up.

14. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?

My bro, haha. I tell him I love him every day :)

15. Imagine: it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. who do you wish was there with you?

Whoever's walking around outside my window, so I'd actually not be freaked out unnecessarily kthx.

16. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

If he's a cheekopeh, I might have to make sure that he's really really dying. Also will need to know CPR first, so.

17. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your reason for making the decision?

This is one of those philo questions meh. I think I'd ask my grandma what she thinks and make her decide, would that make sense? She's the old (and supposedly wiser) one!

18. Are you old fashioned?

On some things, particularly.

19. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

When things like that happen, I don't really remember them until people remind me, so.

20. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

If you ask me now I think I could live without loving, i don't know.

21. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

That someone would tell me what to do right now.

2009-10-25T17:38:00.001+08:00

Oh by the way, that flamboyant printed fedora from 77th street is really gorgeous (;

2009-10-24T07:52:00.002+08:00

Blocked nose in the morning, runny nose the rest of the day, slept with half each, and waking up today still feeling incredibly sick. I've told many many people this - that all the minor flus I never had the whole year are ganging up on me now. Also I have an epic-ly sore throat, but I believe that's because of all the bbq food. Coughing and sneezing hurts like shite ):

So yes, yesterday. Went out before Phyllis's party, watched my sister's keeper. Not a bad movie, but it wasn't very good was it, especially the ending boo. Not saying anymore about it I guess. Then the present shopping was...(we had great plans but it didn't happen). Party! Food, food and more food I don't dare weigh myself now. Thanks Phyllis, you're going to find awesome reviews of your party on blogs I swear. But bbq food kills my throat, I pay for it now/:

Games. Oh I swear I have no idea how Pablo Picasso ended up in my head when Eewei was scribbling in the air for charades, trust me. Just did, outtatheblue. But I Never, geez. I don't think I've ever died within the first round before, and twice. The many people things people haven't done are just...jawdropeyespop. Idk, perhaps some things we take for granted hur. Then balloon throwing was fail, but we had fun along the way! In memory of bobtheboob I say. Dunking was...funny? But there's nothing much to say about it I guess. Not much of the party atmosphere I'm used to after all our epic parties, hur.

Kids! Zomg Phyllis I love your siblings. Cyrus (k don't tell him this if you see him, mum's the word!) is like my brother, but he complains about my brother, which is really funny. 'He shouts like a gay!' - I haven't had the heart to tell my bro this yet. But I think your brother is a lot like mine. Annoying but super sweet when he wants to be. Serena is really cool though, so chatty and gungho about things, kinda reminds me of me when I was p4. Even though I was probably more shy I should think. But she's fun, and if that's what nyps is churning kids out to be these days, I guess that's quite good :) Numnumnum.

Yes, so that was yesterday.
The effects of yesterday will be felt as my nose sustains bullying me for the rest of the day.

2009-10-11T17:01:00.002+08:00

Birthday List :)
Which obviously shall remain the top priority on this blog until...everything else happens!
Depending on whether or not you want to spend cash!
* I'm moving to wordpress on my birthday by the way.
(why not lj? why leave? uh, because I felt like it one sunny day)

1) (a) Ikimono 110mm camera (please google) + FILM OR
1) (b) Holga with FILM
2) Any form of clothing (the quirkier the better!)
3) Vintage Rings (bronze, gold) or big statement rings
4) Berets :)

BUT WHAT'S BETTER IS!

4) Printed photos of me & you, and you & me all nicely arranged in some fashion with doodles.
5) Letters letters and more letters - I love letters.
6) (i) Handmade anything and everything! (Latest obsession with: zippers & fabrics & boxes)
6) (ii) Homemade anything - this category is for all foodstuff!

Geez guess who's demanding this year, but sighhhhhh.
So many pretty things :)

Also I'm (thinking of) spending my birthday alone this year (I think, though I think midday I will feel lonely and unloved and curse myself for this stupid idea), and I've already decided where I want to go (until I curse and cry and whine about my stupid idea).

Till then.

2009-10-22T09:12:00.002+08:00

I'm glad I watched Fame yesterday; it brought me back to my 'i love movie soundtracks' phase.
I think I would want someone to sing me 'Try' on my birthday, -hint!-
:)

The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dreams,
Its time for us to make a move
Cuz we are asking one another to change,
And maybe im not ready but I'll -
Try for your love

2009-10-21T23:08:00.003+08:00

To you:
Just in case you ever wanted to know, I really really love your smile :)
It's kinda like TEH's spastic faces - I will never cry again if I see it all the time.
I've been wishing that you always wanted to know.

2009-10-21T22:42:00.003+08:00

Honey I'm home free :)
I say this every year, but I'm not over the exam mood, especially when all the concepts are still stuck in my head, and many others'. So we end up applying (and very nerd-ly so) all sorts of concepts to daily life haha. Like pressure in Dileen's ear. Oh it's over baby, yay.

2009-10-20T23:06:00.002+08:00

Birthday list down there.

Post EOY I will watch movies, settle stuff, and remember to disclose the helium balloon plan. I will remember to reconnect with the people I've put aside this whole year for my grades and everything else I did this year. I will write long letters, and perhaps finally find the courage to talk to you about things we've left behind, far in the past. In 11 and a half more hours :) Post EOY I will sort out clothes for UK, and sort out my holiday. I promise to reply on chalet dates, and remind DJ i will be in UK for 21st (Ding if you read this please thx). I will finally sort out my CIP record for yfc, and buy all the birthday presents for the mad rush that is Nov/Dec birthdays/occasions. I have given up writing Christmas cards this year, but perhaps I will only get my long letters out by then so greetings are in order. And Matthiaschia we better start making time for each other I'm going to add it here to make it official meh. I do miss you ): Also I really really need to catch up with people. And make new friends!

:D
nicolette.

2009-10-17T18:07:00.003+08:00

Okay I gave up finding a way to postdate my birthdaylist, so I'm going to say that IT'S DOWN THERE every time I post. There we go :)

It just occurred to me that I dont really have nicknames for friends and closer friends, which is not odd in some sense, just strangely distant when I type about them. I don't know. It also occurred to me that I'm 16 this year, which I have always thought to be overrated, considering other people's 16ths, but then I realise I'm actually looking forward to my own, and that the way I've grown this year, (especially in the last few months), just freaking awesome. It's like I've tried for so long to find a personality that I like, and forcibly tried a few things, but poof and I've eased into myself all of a sudden. Then there are the people around me, who have eased into their own way as well, and it all makes sense, which is very good.

And the rest of my thoughts are in short, random outbursts. So for the sake of brevity, here we go.

1) Coat racks? For who/what/how/where/when/why? For jackets in class? Srsly.
2) Moo HAVEN to HEN.
3) Kite-flying by the beach sounds like a very good idea indeed.
4) What to go as for halloween. (still toying with the idea of nerd or chinese ghost)
5) I missed the theatreworks bazaar today, dammit.
6) Currently reading: The Concubine of Shanghai, not a bad book.
7) I didn't like Her Fearful Symmetry's plot, but I guess tension was good.

There we go again.

2009-10-08T22:30:00.002+08:00

I wanted to post about my alternative dreams, those things I always wanted to do if I married early into a rich family, or if I completely epic phail in being something more recognised and successful. There was a time I wanted to be a show host, until I realised how tiring it could be to smile when you don't mean it. There was a time I wanted to be a lyricist, until I realised I just wasn't cut out for it. Then there's the secret dream of meddling around with artsy stuff. Which is...somewhere far out there. Then the problem lies in me not having Plan A, let alone Plan B, C, D to Z.

Got zipper today, pleased :)

2009-10-07T21:11:00.004+08:00

I can't remember the last time a youtube video made me cry, but this is a winner. Tabby sings Chinese zomg I loved TingHai too when I first heard it - she deserves it so, so much. Also zomg I've been staring at ModCloth with my eyes wide open and wondering wth this hasn't ventured into Singapore yet. Love some of the accessories yah. And I need a new wallet/purse. Looking at hinge wallets, I wonder... Also looking for studs, bronze/gold square ones. Not ear studs. Studs on leather on clothes are looking good, and zipper jewellery is love. Can't wait for thrift stores & flea markets & running around FEP & blogshopsurfing.

I really want those hedgehog buttons but they're so expensive.
:)

2009-10-05T23:46:00.002+08:00

This is another one of those times where I look upon adults attempting to write write columns in teenage magazines with utter disdain. Why is it that we don't have a consolidated platform for me to read the witticisms of the more cutting people I know. I don't even have to spell out why I am more inclined to listen to my peers give sagely advice about life than Sumiko Tan whine about her single life of solitude every, single, week. Why. Sounds like a great new web-based idea that Google will be inclined to snap up in about, i don't know, never. For Straits Times to finally cater to the youth at large, or at least they try could try to instead of creating Fakebook pages so we can all laugh at Ris Low for the 532563246th time this month. Now I'm stuck reading blogs, which is not the best way to convince my mother I'm actually studying for

Bloody Chemistry & Lit in 4 days.

On that note, I bought a Chemistry guide book today when Chem is in 4 days. The guide book also reads, 'highly recommended for last-minute revision'. MLIA.

Update: I found at least 5 mistakes in the bloody guide book. FML.

I would really like to whine about the fact that I saw brown water flowing out of my tap today thanks to the fact that I live in a 20 year old condominium and some fuse blew somewhere that gave everybody unclean water. Freaking scary, and I will never drink tap water again.

At least your promos end tomorrow, thank goodness.

2009-10-04T23:42:00.002+08:00

Also I have no idea how many times it will take me to emphasize this before I get sick of it, but flea markets are love :) Thank you for the gorgeous material & that dirt cheap coat. Even though the shoulder pads stick out weirdly, but who cares it was damn cheap ahahahaha love self.

Jiayou for promos love.

2009-10-01T22:17:00.002+08:00

Really really wants a toga dress (:
Can't wait to go budget shopping - you know I get so bloody jealous of foreign thrift shops.
Singaporeans who have nice clothes - please get them within my range.

2009-09-27T23:50:00.002+08:00

Meh they should really let me update my blog through SMS ):
Gained weight, sinful buffet to the max.

2009-09-26T11:05:00.003+08:00

Product design product design product design...if only I had a little more artistic flair. Am so in awe with nature - every time I read something on stumbleupon its just, wow. Exams): Had better do well so I start JC on a good note. Fingerscrossed that all my paying attention in class this year will do me good. Kinda scary how it's two more years till we're outta here and thrown into the world. Till then, the venn diagram.